The 2015-16 Miami Heat: A Eulogy from the Poetry Multiverse

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THE 2015-16 NBA season is drawing to a close. The Miami Heat, an amalgamation of pieces that started out as a veteran heavy, slow-paced, defensive stalwart was forced by chance and choice to evolve into an unexpected, rookie playing, up tempo, scary group that with a little more luck and a lot less injuries, could have gone even further than their exit to the Toronto Raptors in Game 7 of the 2nd round.

So let us celebrate our city, our basketball town, our team, with the most robust and epic poetry slam possible.

LIMERICK

There once was a team called the Heat
A team that no one could beat
Except for Steph
And the NBA refs
But who cares, this season was sweet.

 

HAIKU

From the Three Oh Five

Best sports franchise in history

Bosh, please get well soon

 

Ballad of the Dragon

From Slovenia with love, a warrior of

reptilian versatility.

Couple of firsts to the Suns, to South Florida he comes

how much more dangerous could he be?

A tragic beginning, then his fat began thinning

and teeth, not all, less three.

figuring things out and Mike Ryan would doubt

every three from the top of the key.

Preseason was bad, mid-season was sad

the Dragon was waking slowly.

3rd seed in the rear-view, 1st round gave a preview

of what a fire-breathing Goran could be.

Reigning supreme, like a hero in a dream

the Dragon hath awoken fully.

 

The Sonnet of Rook One and Rook Two

DRAFTED tenth and pick forty

J-Rich and the college hero

Justise Winslow and Agent Zero

both better than rookies, day one;

A defender supreme and a jumpshooting fiend

Our Rook 1 and Rook 2

in the clutch they came through

Eventually becoming key parts of the team;

Rook 1 the Defender, Rook 2 the Flamethrower

Rook 1 gets the stop

Rook 2 makes the shot

Best draft class? Yeah, this one is over;

Justise League of the Triple A Arena

Rook 1 is a rock

Put the ballhandler on lock

Hard work, sweat and rebound cleaner;

J-Rich picked up nearly free

this Rook 2 he’s a sniper

Barely out of his diapers

Also, post-break the best shooter in the league;

Justise and J-Rich, Rook 1 and Rook 2

The future looks bright

These two yutes are alright

And I love those two dudes more than you.

 

Free Verse

We started the year off like a child

Our hearts all full of hope run wild

As we fought to believe again

The team was grasping for relevance

Though the odds were stacked against us

Along the way we lost some men

Chris Bosh fell once more

Rookies forced out on the floor

But still they refuse to give in

Rio and Birdman no more

3rd seed after adding Joe

Pace and space, offensive flow

Back in the playoffs again

Heat twitter went on the rage

A Dragon freed from his cage

and Charlotte made to bend

Wade was emphatic

Hassan’s injury was tragic

Game 7s became a trend

Relying on Dragic

Luol was pure magic

The team fought and clawed

The Raptors were flawed

But our heroes were slain in the end

Though our team was done

No sadness would come

No tears were shed

No tantrums, no bile

No anger or rants

Just a Pat Riley smile

And a promise to sit down with Durant.

 

Ode To Dwyane Wade

Three, Flash, D-Wade

More reliable than an Escalade

Moves smooth as butter and sweet as marmalade

Blowing up defensive schemes like live hand grenades.

I call him champ and Mr. Dwyane

We call him chef when he catches flame

Split your defense and break your brain

Don’t shoot that 3! Oh, he made it rain.

Dwyane Wade is the Rickest Rick

Kicked a Sessions in the prick

Jump kicked Garnett with a flick

Elbows Lance, he don’t give a sh-.

Six foot four but blocks like Dikembe

Bankshot making, ankle breaker

Every guard you send his way

becomes a victim of chef’s flambé.

Three is number 1 in Wade County’s heart

The greatest in the end

There’s no mystery if you forget his name

He’ll make you respect his place in history

again

 

Best of #HeatTwitter:

Special thanks go out to some fine folks on twitter for their contributions to this article and to making this season as fun as possible:

@CrabSmutPeddler@IDB1127@_NBA_Thoughts@Ryan_DiPentima@lebanese_heat@NickCastillo@Sucks@SliceMiami@brassjazz, and @agrawalk1991

And finally, congratulations to new Memphis Grizzlies head coach David Fizdale!

Thanks for the fun times and reading this nonsense. Looking forward to Ring #4 next season!

Ciao.

crying jordan snoopy

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